


Depression

by Goddess_of_Chaos



Series: Loyalty [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: No Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 04:36:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20615105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goddess_of_Chaos/pseuds/Goddess_of_Chaos





	Depression

****

** _Depression_ **

Anson sat in the bathroom, the razor in her hand, tears running down her face. Why was everything so difficult?

Reyna had turned out to be a wonderful friend, and had kept true to her promise of getting Torikki off Anson’s back, and Anson was extremely grateful.

However, with Anson once again living on the streets because Peony couldn’t convince her parents into letting Anson stay any longer, and the constant fear that Anson’s birth mum would come back for her, plus all the stress of finals coming up had Anson stretched too thin. She couldn’t do anything more, couldn’t take anymore.

Reyna hadn’t been at school all week, and Peony hadn’t been talking to Anson, and it had made everything worse. Peony had been Anson’s outlet for so long, and now, without her, Anson was lost.

Anson sighed, then ripped the razor to the side, letting her head fall back in relief as the pain spread throughout her arm. The suspense, the feeling of relief when the action was carried out, the actual pain, it all came together to make an addictive feeling.

Anson quickly added three new cuts, each one deeper than the last. She closed her eyes as she set the razor against her arm once more, and waited a few seconds, pressing the cold metal into her arm before jerking her hand to the side. She let out a groan, feeling the pain as it stung throughout her arm.

Anson opened her eyes and watched the crimson tears as they welled up, and smiled. It felt  _ so  _ good, that she just couldn’t stop. It was just too good, too amazing.

Suddenly, the bell rang, ending the day, and Anson burst into tears again. She hadn’t gone to Jamie for lunch today, instead hiding in the bathroom and cutting, just like now.

“Why?” Anson whispered, asking the deities she trusted and loved. “Why am I so addicted to this?”

She received no answer, though she wasn’t really expecting one.

_ No one knows why. _ Anson thought to herself.  _ Least of all me. _

She sighed, letting the razor slide against her arm again and again, until the 3:30 bell rang.

Anson slowly climbed to her feet, and considered her options. She could continue to hide here, or she could see if Jamie was here and if she could talk to him.

The only issue was, if she talked to Jamie, she couldn't tell him about being out on the streets. He would probably go straight to CPS this time, instead of letting her try and find a place to stay again.

Anson sighed, knowing her mind was already made. No matter the risk, she always went to Jamie if she could. She knew that he would never try to hurt her in any way; he would merely try to help her as much as he could.

Anson slowly walked to Jamie’s classroom, part of her hoping that he would have already left. But when she turned into his hall, she found him outside his door, locking it.

“J-Jamie?” Anson asked quietly, her voice breaking. He looked up in surprise, and his face broke into a smile, taking away the sad and pained expression that had previously been his expression.

“Anse! Where were you at lunch?” Jamie asked, walking towards her. Anson saw the moment that he noticed the tears on her face; his smile faltered, falling from his lips, and his eyes flicked over her face, trying to determine what had upset her.

“Torikki? I thought Reyna took care of it.” Jamie murmured, coming closer still. Anson shook her head.

“No.” She said, her voice calm, though her head was in chaos. “This time, it was all me.”

“What do you mean, Anson? What happened?” Jamie asked as he reached her, his hands settling on her shoulders. “What went wrong?”

“Everything went wrong.” Anson said, looking away from her friend. He was a beacon of light, and she wasn’t.

_ I need to get away from him.  _ Anson thought.  _ I’m poisoning him; his light is growing darker because of my insanity. _

“Anse, don’t do this.” Jamie whispered suddenly, one of his hand lifting and cupping her chin, making her look at him. “Don’t lock yourself up.  _ I’m here for you. _ I just need you to tell me what happened.”

Anson laughed, her ears ringing. Did it matter what had happened? It didn’t. After all, how did someone fix  _ life? _

“Jamie, I…” Anson whispered, then pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

And with that she executed a perfect about face and hurried away.

Jamie saw the blood dripping off her hand then.

“Anson Marina Connick.”

Anson stopped, her head bowed, her back still to him.

“Come back here. If you won’t tell me what happened, at least let me help you physically.”

Anson turned around and looked at Jamie, her head tilted in confusion.

“What  _ are  _ you speaking of?”

“Your arm.” Jamie said, folding his arms over his chest. Anson looked down and stared, surprise. There was more blood than she’d expected there to be.

“Well… okay.” Anson said, then looked up sharply. “Just don’t blame me when you, too, find yourself burned out.”

Jamie nodded, though he did not know what his friend spoke of. “I wouldn’t dream of it, Anse.”

He turned and hurried back to his classroom, flipping the key in his hand. He turned back to see Anson standing where she’d been before, and he raised an eyebrow.

“Well, c’mon, Anson. I’m not going to carry you.” Jamie said quietly and Anson laughed, the sound genuine.

Jamie relaxed slightly when he heard her laugh: it meant she was starting to feel better. Right?

“I don’t expect you to, Jay.” Anson whispered, then hurried down the hall, stopping beside him. “By the way, apologies for standing you up.  _ Again. _ Rough day.”

“I’d have never guessed.” Jamie drawled as he unlocked his door and ushered Anson in. He saw her smile, and smiled in response. He was glad she was starting to feel at least a  _ little  _ bit better.

Anson sat at his desk, and Jamie blew through the room, gathering his first aid things.

It was quiet then, and Jamie focused on treating Anson’s arm.

It was when he was done and cleaning up that she spoke.

“This is why I came here.” Anson said with a sigh, leaning back into the chair.

“What do you mean?” Jamie murmured, his voice gentle and soft. The silence didn’t want to recede, and they both felt it. They kept their voices quiet because of it.

“You always know what to do. When to help, when to let me figure it out.” Anson replied, then opened her eyes and looked at Jamie. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Anse.” Jamie said, looking back at her. She smiled softly; the expression looked pained.

“You don’t understand.” She whispered, her voice raw. Jamie froze, merely listening, knowing Anson would understand his stillness. “You have done so, so much for me, and you don’t even know it. You don’t know how many times I’ve been about to cut, and didn’t do it because I thought of how it would affect you.

“I have been so close to asking to crash at your place before, but refrained because I don’t want people assuming the wrong thing. I… I’m protective of you, and I don’t know why.

“Anyone who insults you finds that you have at least one loyal defender; I’ve never let anyone get away with it.

“And when I’m at my lowest, I think of you, of how you would handle it. And I try to do that.” She laughed, holding up her now-bandaged arm. “If you can’t tell, I fail miserably sometimes, but I still try.

“I just don’t understand it, Jamie.”

Anson sighed, finished. She turned away from him, trying to protect her heart from the rejection that was sure to come.

“I… I’m honoured, Anse. I really am.`` Jamie whispered, still reeling from the depth of her loyalty to him. “I’m glad to be of service to you. I’m glad that you can confide in me.”

Anson smiled slightly.

“So, you’re not disgusted or frightened of the way I feel?”

“No. I’m surprised, yes, but I’m not disgusted or frightened. You’ve never done anything to suggest you would attempt to sabotage my job or mess with my life.” Jamie murmured, going over to Anson and hugging her.

“Personally, I expected you to be upset.” Anson said. Jamie laughed.

“We all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.” Jamie said, and Anson smiled, recognising the quote. “The right thing is to support you right now, to be here for you, and try to understand the way you feel towards me. The easy thing would be to get upset and make assumptions and destroy a five term friendship.”

Anson laughed.

“Yes, that would be much easier. And what was expected.” Anson mused, and Jamie smiled. “Although, I must ask, was the Dumbledore quote necessary?”

Jamie smiled impishly.

“No, but it came to me, and I thought it fit the situation.” Jamie said, and Anson shook her head in disbelief.

“Only you, Jay, only you would be able to sleep in a 2-in-1 quote and reference into something like this.”

“You can’t deny that it helped your mood.” Jamie said defensively. Anson laughed in the back of her throat, the sound coming out more as a purr than a laugh.

“I suppose you’re right there. No matter.” She stood, stretching walking over to the door. “I have people to do, things to see.”

“Wait, what?” Jamie asked, surprise colouring his voice. Anson smiled mischievously.

“A saying of one of my contacts’. James Ellison.” Anson explained, then sighed. “I really do need to go, though, Jamie. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Do you have a place to crash?”

“James.”

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, Anse. Just, no more cutting, please?” Jamie asked quietly as he grabbed his bag.

“Alright. For tonight, at least.” Anson said, then walked into the corridor and waited for Jamie as he locked the door to his classroom.

The two then walked together in companionable silence to the front doors of the school before going their own ways, their bond even stronger than before. This friendship wasn’t going to end.


End file.
